A little about Garrick

Here are a few things that we love (and are learning to love) about Garrick:

He LOVES to dance in his underwear... in fact, he loves to only be in his underwear all the time. 

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, and Star Wars are his favorite shows. 

He has to have his pacifier all the time (hopefully we will let that go relatively soon).

He is super bossy and the biggest tattle-tale!

He likes to follow me around and repeat what I say to Gus and Ruby as if he is second in command. I have to constantly remind him that "Mommy is boss".

When he wants to tell you something that he feels is really important (like tattling on his siblings) he goes all out! Hand motions, sounds, English and Chinese mixed together. It is hilarious.

He sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star... in a minor key.

He and Ruby Claire are becoming best buddies. They both have bonded over their true love of the pacifier.

He has the funniest dance move. He shakes his pelvis and waves his hands in the air. We are convinced that someone over there was teaching him how to impersonate Elvis.

He loves dinosaurs and every time he sees one he says "Dinosaur Rowr!", he also loves to run around the house pretending he is one.

He has learned all the right things to say when he knows he is in trouble: "Yes, Mam" "No, sir" "No Garrick! Gus/Ruby!"

He is very possessive of anything that belongs to him.  

He will still sing "Happy Birthday to you" every time he gets to eat cake.

He really enjoys car rides and gets upset when it is over.

I've never seen a kid drink so much milk in my life. We go through a gallon every 2 days.

He will eat noodles any time of day (like 6am). He also prefers chicken noodle soup over raman, which he calls "Horse Noodles"... I don't want to know why.

He does a really good Kung Fu impersonation.

He is very good at sorting and matching toys. I plan on getting him to help me with the sock laundry soon ;)

Whenever he and Gus are together, you can bet they are up to no good!

He gets excited whenever he sees any super hero but Spider-man is his favorite.

He loves to be tickled, kissed, and hugged and he loves to give affection back.

His smile can light up a room.

He is strong willed and determined, which I believe has served him well these past few years.

His favorite foods are watermelon, salad, cucumber, noodles, vanilla yogurt, chicken nuggets and apple juice.

And last but most important... we are in awe of how the Lord has provided through our son an earthly reminder of just how great, wondrous, and good he is. Whenever I fear or doubt the unknown, or the impossible, I look at Garrick and I see God's overwhelming love and grace in our life. I cannot be anything but thankful.

Christmas Sillies

One Month Home

This past weekend marked one month since we have been home. Honestly, it does not feel like it has been a month. If I'm to be honest, it has felt like a blur. Exhaustion and stress will do that. But we have made good progress in just the past week as a family. We are finally starting to venture out and begin working on trusting outside of the home.

We went to church for the first time today. Garrick did great. He walked right into class with Ruby Claire and did well with the other kids (No hitting! Score!). About half way through the class they came and got me because he wanted to know where I was. I was so grateful they listened to his concern and followed through. He needs to know I will be there, he needs to know his teachers will come get me if he asks, he needs to know church is a safe place.

These were big steps for us, and often when we make big steps we have regression. Unfortunately, by the time we got home Garrick became defiant and went into a full blown inconsolable rage. He finally wore himself out enough that he fell asleep and when he awoke his crying began again. On and off again for the rest of the day his emotions swayed like a ship in a storm.

I would like to explain that this is not surprising to us. This is very normal behavior for children who have come from hard places. My son is grieving, so when he cry's and fights or melts down he is acting out from a place of deep loss and hurt.

"Behavior is a form of communication. Who we are, where we’ve been, and what we want others to know all direct our responses. While all children act out or shut down or lose tempers or cry from time to time, what each one is communicating with that behavior might be different. While all children display certain behaviors, not all children have lost their parents to death or abandonment or addiction or disease. Not all children have been uprooted from the home or country or familiar voices in the womb to live out the rest of their days in a different home and maybe a different country and with a different mother. Not all children have witnessed or experienced abuse or neglect or malnutrition. Not all kids have learned that adults aren’t always trustworthy, home isn’t always safe, and family isn’t always forever." --Shannon Dingle

Is it easy going through hard times even if you know the reasons behind it?

No, it's not. It's not easy to deeply love a person who just few weeks ago was a stranger but is now your family. There is so much to learn, so much to take in, so much to catch up to. So many expectations to let go of. So much ground to cover.

It is easy to get frustrated. It is easy to not want to comfort my son when he is throwing a fit on the floor because he doesn't want to watch the same t.v. show as his siblings or eat the food that has been made. It is easy to want to parent him just like I would my other children if they were to behave in such a way. It is easy to demand obedience.

But I can't because his frustration, need for security, and control are coming from a wound that is so deep he cannot bear it. And so it begins to overflow and burst open at the slightest hint or memory of that loss, and he has never been given the emotional tools to be able to stop it. They were stolen from him.

These times are hard. Loving people who have been hurt is hard. And showing love when you are wounded and hurting is even harder. So I have to meet him in the brokenness. And for me, that means I have to hold my son while he screams and cry's and hits. That I have to tell him he is loved and safe over and over again. That when he shouts at me to leave him alone and go away I have to tell him that Mama will never "go away". That when he needs a "time out" we have a "time-in" together.

We are making progress as Garrick had gone a few days without a meltdown. Going to church was new and exciting for him, and for my boy, new and exciting things cause anxiety and the remembrance of just how much he is not in control. So next week we will try again, and the week after, and we will try to take this new normal a step at a time. And, hopefully in six months or so we will look back on this time and say "Look what the Lord has done!"

The Harmonious Period

When you go to China to adopt, the day you get your child is called "Gotcha Day" and that day begins a 24 hour period that they call the "harmonious period". Basically, if in 24 hours you decide you no longer want your child you can give them back with no repercussions. Not a very apt name, is it?

Now you may be asking, "How can someone work so hard and do so much, go all the way to China, and not come back with that child?"

I don't know. I've read of stories though. Stories that crush your very soul and make you weep that "ugly cry" that no one wants to experience. I will not judge those families as I've never been in their place. I hope to never have to be in their place. I'm grateful I wasn't.

But I can tell you that the child you have in those first 24 hours is not your "real child". They are just as scared and anxious as the parent receiving them. And they use whatever coping mechanism that has helped them survive up until that point. Garrick was all smiles for the first 2 days we had him. Steven and I looked at each other like "is it really this easy?"

Nope.

Those first two days we were all putting on our best behavior. Garrick didn't really believe he was staying with us, which was evidenced by him gathering every item we gave him in his little backpack to take with him whenever we left the room. He skipped from place to place, he smiled for every picture, he charmed everyone in our group with his personality. But he never cried... not even when he hit his head on the hand rail in the elevator. I was astounded that he kept those tears in and shoved that much pain down. I knew it was not going to be contained for too much longer.

Then came the third day. Garrick was playing with another little boy in the hotel lobby when he fell and hit his head hard on the marble floor. I scooped him up right away while he finally let out a cry from the pain. Then he began to wail. For 20 minutes I sat on a luggage cart in the Hilton Hotel lobby letting my son scream out his pain. Not from his head but from his heart. We finally had to get on the bus and Garrick decided at that point he wanted nothing to do with me. He wanted to sit next to Steve. He sat stoically looking out the window for a few minutes and then tears just began streaming down his little cheeks. He didn't even make a sound.

That was the beginning of walls coming down. Our harmonious period as a new family was up. Honeymoon over.

From then on Garrick was outright defiant or would just ignore us completely. Which can be very difficult for parents who expect their children to obey. But who were we to him? Why should he have to listen to us anyway? They say you need to just survive in China. "Give them what they want" in China. But we couldn't with him, he was all over the place, and would have got himself and others hurt. We had to be parents. I truly believe he had never heard the word "No" before.  Now I'm glad we set those boundaries early because we have needed them at home!
 My son would bite, hit, or walk up to another child and poke them in the eye for no reason. He would have a full blown meltdown over the tiniest things and he could not calm himself. We are still battling these "orphanage behaviors" on a daily basis. Garrick tends to revert back to infant behavior when he does not get his way or if he is reprimanded for something. It will take holding, rocking, and drinking a sippy cup of milk for him to relax. This happens multiple times a day.

But today we had less meltdowns. Today we had more playing with the siblings instead of tormenting them. Today we had some bright moments. Today was a good day. Tomorrow will probably go back to being hard. But I know that things are coming together the way they need to. I see my son learning to trust me and that is a beautiful thing.

It isn't always harmonious... but who ever said it would be?

China Travel- Day 1

Our first day of Travel started out very early but we got to the airport with enough time to get breakfast before we got on the plane to Detroit. We flew Delta Airlines and it was very comfortable with lots of free amenities that made our 15 hours in the air so much more bearable. We even were able to check two bags per person for free.
When we got to Detroit we met up with another family in our group who was on the same flight as us. I was so thankful to meet them, it always feels better when you know you're not the only people doing something crazy =)

We flew over the Arctic and Russia. It was amazing looking down and seeing massive mountains covered in snow, huge frozen bodies of water, and what looked like cracks in the ice that were probably massive ravines. Uninhabitable frozen wilderness, It was a true sight to behold and not one I think I'll ever forget.

Once we landed in Beijing we handed off our bag of supplies for Show Hope to one of their reps who met us at the airport. Then we met up with our agency guide, George, who is a very amiable character, with a big smile, and often jokes about his broken English which he calls "Changlish".

George got us settled in our hotel, helped us exchange some money, and pointed us in the direction of a good noodle restaurant. Our new friends Mary and Jeff joined us for dinner and we had a great time ordering way too much food, telling stories and jokes, and just getting to know each other. It felt like we had been friends for years. I've been told the families you meet on this adventure become friends you have your whole life, I can now see how that is possible.

After dinner, we then braved the local 7-11 and got some needed essentials. I also found some KinderEggs for the kids (Gus will be overjoyed). Then we headed back to our hotel room to sleep. I passed out at 8pm our time, woke at 3:30am, and then again at 6. I was glad to get so much sleep but it still did not feel very restful. Pray for us as the time change and jet lag is really hitting us hard.

To our precious friends & family,

To our precious friends & family,

We are overjoyed at God’s grace, but we also realize this will be a season of adjustment for our family. We know that each of you reading this letter has– in some way– supported, loved and prayed for us. Many of you have expressed how excited you are to meet him. Because we know your care for Garrick and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around him to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation – emotionally, physically and spiritually. In many ways, Garrick will be like the children who entered our family through birth; we will seek to bring all of them up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord. However, there will be a few, initial differences in the way we have parented in the past. Because you will play a vital role in helping Garrick settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future, there are a few important areas in which you can help us:

• The first is to set physical boundaries. We cannot WAIT to see some of you at the airport when we arrive home!!! Keep in mind... It is imperative adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Garrick. This will (for a while) include things like holding, hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage and foster care settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and very welcomed! Garrick should know that the people with whom he interacts are our trusted family and friends. He is going to love each and every one of you! 

• Another area is redirecting Garrick’s desire to have his physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having Mommy & Daddy meet those needs. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually something that isn’t good for the child. But until he has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct him to us if you see that he is seeking out food, drink, affection, or comfort. 

• You will notice that Garrick will probably have a snack of some kind with him. It is imperative that you NEVER take food or drink from Garrick. If he is in a place where he cannot have his snack, please come get Steve or me, and we will deal with it. Children who grow up in orphanages usually have issues with food since withholding food is sometimes used as a discipline tool. Many of these children have grown up not knowing when their next meal will be given to them. Food is security and we want to make sure we are providing him with as much security as possible. 

We are confident of this: God’s design is perfect. His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby – which teaches him that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God’s very design, an emotional foundation is laid affecting their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Garrick has experienced the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of his birth country. When Garrick comes home, he will very likely be overwhelmed. Everything around him will be new and he will need to learn not just about his new environment, but also about love and family. He has not experienced God’s design for a family having lived in an orphanage & foster care setting. His world is turned upside down. He may struggle with feeling safe and secure, and he may lack the ability to trust that we will meet his needs. The good news is that we can now, as Garrick’s parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help him heal from these emotional wounds.

The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed him. As this repeats between us, he will be able to learn that Mom and Dad are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Garrick starts to establish this important bond, he will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. Garrick will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries, and close proximity to us. Although it may appear that we are spoiling him at times, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on our personal research and instruction from trusted adoption educators and mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help him heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible. He may show his grief and confusion in many ways, and we are prepared to help him through it and prove that we are a forever family. You may also notice us tighten our circle a bit, stay close to home, and we may seem a little less available socially, for a while, maybe even months. 

Please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are learning too and are grateful that you are seeking with us to help Garrick feel loved, safe, and secure. Thank you so much for your love and support through this process so far. We are so truly blessed!

We look forward to seeing all of you when we return!
Blessings,

Steven & Christa

Have Courage and Be Kind...

I loved this tag line from the live-action adaption of Cinderella. I love seeing little girls with shirts bearing the phrase. I applauded Disney for finally giving our girls more than "A dream is a wish your heart makes" or "Dreams do come true".

Often times, when I talk to Gus about having courage and being brave he will say "But, Mommy i'm sacred!" and I would say to him, "Being brave means doing something you know is right, even when you are scared". It is easy to say this to our children or to others, but not so easy when we ourselves are faced with our own scary situations.

We live in a broken world and often our dreams do not come true. The Grimm brothers got it right, not Disney. And this is a reality that we need to teach our children. So what happens when you are called to something that is hard? When the journey is filled with pain and adversity and the people that you think will be your support system are not? This is where Disney got it right: "Have Courage and Be Kind".

Many times in my own walk I do not behave with the obedience of Abraham or the devotion of Job. I behave more like the Cowardly Lion than the courageous Aslan. But that is OK.

It's OK to be scared, what matters is doing what is right. Just yesterday, my good friend Jeni reminded me of this when I told her how much anxiety and fear I have been dealing with surrounding our adoption. And her words were a balm to my soul.

"I'm sure you're scared. It's a huge deal. But you're right just to tell yourself to be brave---you can't be brave without being scared! So really it's perfect, right?... I can imagine all of the details can make you feel inadequate but I really believe that in some situations, love is all you need. This has been planned out for you to accomplish and you have Christ's light in you. He will fill in the gaps."

Isn't that the truth! It reminded me of when Moses was commanded by God to speak but due to his speech impediment he argued with God:

"Then Moses said to the LORD, "Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." The LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?…"

Moses was brave and yet he was scared. He did as God instructed and God worked in a way he did not anticipate by using his brother Aaron to be his mouth. God filled in the gaps.


God continues to fill in the gaps for our adoption. Most of the time he waits until the last minute...but isn't that the way he always does things? He called us to this and we have obeyed even with much fear, anxiety and trepidation. Even when we didn't see the way, he has met every need. And his plan is beautiful. God designed this story as a tapestry with many many threads all intertwined. We didn't have a pattern to follow or a list of instructions. We only have faith and courage in the ONE who does.

Our story is not over because really it is just beginning. I'm scared. I'm scared to fly across the ocean, to be away from my other children. I'm scared to meet my new son and watch him hurt and grieve. I'm scared that he will not like me. That sounds trite, I know... but it is a fear. There are a lot of fears and most of them are things I cannot control. So I keep reminding myself:

Be Brave, Have Courage and Be Kind. God will do the rest.

Planning to travel!

So things are heating up here! With the news of our travel dates we are in full travel mode preparation. I spent all day yesterday emailing back and forth with the travel agency to work out details for our plane tickets. We have to use an agency since Garrick does not have a US passport number yet. They are still not locked in so please pray we will get something that works well for us.

As far as money goes, we are still gathering funds. We will have to pay for all our hotels and in-country flights this week. I learned yesterday that we may not be able to use our hotel points as they have blacked out the week we are supposed to be at our Marriott hotel. This is now an extra $2000 we were not expecting to have to pay out of pocket since we planned on using all our points. So I'll be on the phone with them today trying to see if something can open up for us. It's all very stressful stuff.

God has worked everything out perfectly so far and I have to let go of my tendency to want to control every detail. It is hard for me to do this since I spend my days making plans, writing up lists and calculating outcomes. Being a nurse, I am constantly looking at the clock determining what I need to do next. I'm just hardwired that way.
The Lord continues to be gracious to me by giving me opportunities to grow =)

Please continue to pray for us that all the little details will come together accordingly. We are so excited to go get our son. This time next month we will be home with all THREE of our children!

Promise 686

We will be leaving for China in just a few short weeks; but we are still short $10,000 of travel and in country expenses. But there is good news!


Promise686 (www.promise686.org), a ministry of Perimeter Church, has graciously given us a Matching Grant of $4,000 to help bring Garrick home! If you would like to be a part of God bringing Garrick to Himself through our family, you can send your tax-deductible gift to the address below or on-line. Your donations will be matched by Promise686 on a $1-for-$1 basis up to $4000. That means we will have $8000 in total once matched! Promise686 will pay adoption expenses out of the funds received. Promise686 is a non-profit adoption and foster care ministry dedicated to expanding God’s Kingdom by helping to bring the fatherless into Christian homes. If you would like to help:

Please make checks payable to: Promise686, Inc. You may preference how the donation might be used by writing “Garrick Germany Adoption” in the memo section of your check.


(*Note: per IRS guidelines, promise686 maintains complete discretion and control over the use of all donated funds, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.)

Mail checks to:

Promise686, Inc
4729 Peachtree Industrial Blvd
Suite 100
Berkeley Lake, GA 30092

Or donate on-line through the Promise686 link: https://connect.clickandpledge.com/w/Organization/Promise686/paymentwidget/dfec0024-0606-46e8-84dd-09a4320b8664


Thank you for investing in the Kingdom through prayer and finances – it will be an investment with an eternal return! (Matt 6:20)

Please pray this entire process will glorify God and fulfill His purposes!

In Christ,

Steven, Christa, Gus and Ruby Claire

To Ransom a Child

This has been a very busy week in our adoption process. I have been emailing constantly with officers at the National Visa Center, then with our Agency, and then emailing back to the NVC. It is one big game of shuffling electronic paperwork and signatures back and forth. I'm grateful for the work these people do getting children to their new families. They are amazing.
Now we are awaiting for more papers to be dropped off and picked up. Once they are we will get an appointment made at the consulate in China and travel approval to leave. We are so close!

I've also contacted Show Hope about how we could serve their ministry during our trip. They sent me a list filled with much needed medical supplies for the care centers that they cannot afford to mail. So, we will be checking a suitcase with these items, and they are arranging for someone to meet us at the airport to get the bag. I feel like this is such a small thing to do in thanks. I feel like nothing will be enough to thank them for what they are and have given to these precious little ones.

On Wednesday I had to go to the bank and withdraw over $5500.00 to wire to Garrick's orphanage. This was the fee for my son's life. This is the one payment that made my whole body shake. This payment made the tellers in the bank cry.
I walked out of the bank feeling like a huge weight had been lifted. I just paid my son's ransom. I cannot imagine how God felt when Jesus proclaimed "It is finished" with his last breath on the cross. It is finished. It is paid. And all that is left is love.

"And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales
'Cause after the last tear falls
There is love" - Andrew Peterson

Our last official update

We received our last official update on Garrick until we go get him in November. This update included his current weight, height, shoe size, pictures and some little facts. His stats are very important as we need to pack him clothes and shoes for once we receive him. He will come to us with the clothes on his back and hopefully the few items we have sent him over the past months.

He loves all kinds of foods, especially pear juice, bananas, and yogurt.  Sounds like he will fit right in with the other little fruit monsters that live here!

We requested that he not be moved from Maria's Big House and back to the orphanage prior to us getting him. But this request was denied. Please pray for our little boy's heart. Maria's is the only safe place he has known for the past 2 years and I know he will not understand why he is leaving or why his family isn't there to get him yet. Pray for my heart because I can't prevent more hurt upon my child.

They mentioned he often looks at the pictures of "his family". I pray through that book God is preparing his heart to receive us and that he would recognize us when he meets us. I pray our attachment will be strengthened quickly and he will feel our love and affection for him. We are under no assumptions that he loves us. Just as with a newborn we will have to meet his needs consistently and show him we are trustworthy and loving over and over again. He will not be like a normal 4 year old who is able to go play or sleep with no fear. He will not be able to stay with a babysitter or a teacher as other kids do (at least until that bond is strong).  Children who come from hard places need a lot of time to learn to trust that they will not be left again. He will need time to learn what a family is and his place in it. 

There will be a lot of emotions that no child his age should have to experience. Pray that God is gracious. Pray that God will help us to be in-tuned to his needs even with a language barrier. Your prayers are so important to us and we value each one.

Look at that face!

We have another 6-8 weeks until we finally get to meet our sweet boy. We cannot wait.

Buy a shirt & help build a family

Friends,

We are selling shirts to help with our travel expenses. They are only available to order until October 10, so get your orders in! We have a goal of 50 shirts but need to sell at least 5 for them to be printed. Thank you for your help and support!




The Lord commands us to love, and we have a tremendous love for children who have little to no hope without a family. Each t-shirt sold will bring us a little closer to our adoption fundraising goal to bring our son home. Click to BUY HERE!

Garage sale!

Friends,

We should be going to get Garrick in November! How awesome is that!! Though we are grateful for the speed at which our adoption is being processed, it puts more strain on our financial resources. Pray that we finish raising the funds we need to bring Garrick home. We are somewhere around $10 or $11k short of our goal. We have applications in to several grants, but many do not
make award decisions until after we return. The remaining money is primarily for travel expenses.


We will be having another garage sale October 16th and 17th to help with our travel expenses to China. We still have lots of stuff left over from our previous sales but would love to have more! If you have any gently used items that you would be willing to donate to our sale we would greatly appreciate it! From our past sales the items that sell the best are tools, housewares, kitchen stuff, and furniture. Clothes do NOT sell so please refrain from donating those.

If you can't donate items but are willing to help in any way please let us know! We greatly need your support.

I also want to say that this has been one of the hardest things we have ever done (and it's about to get harder!). When we began this process we had no idea how it would happen. Many times we felt God opened doors and shoved us through them. But at each situation he has shown up and provided even through our fear. He truly equips those he calls!


Please continue to be in prayer for our family during this time.

The Germanys

Letter of Approval

Dear Garrick,
Today is the day. Today we found out that we have been officially accepted as your parents. Today was the day we were told that you are ours. China has spoken and we are so elated. From this day forward everything has changed. Hold tight little one because Mamma and Daddy are going to move heaven and earth to get you home to us. Every day without you is a day incomplete. You are so loved sweet boy, you have no idea.
Love,
Mommy

Dear Son,

Dear Garrick,
Right now you are still in China and we are here trying to get you home to us. We are praying for you daily and planning on your arrival. But while we wait I want you to know a few things. I know it will be several years until you are able to understand all of this but I think it is important for me to tell you now.

Waiting is hard. Being a mother to a child far away is extremely hard because you can't do what Mommys do for their child. I can't hold you or comfort you when you are sad. I can't be with you in the hospital when you are there and I pray you are not left alone in such a scary place. I can't tell you how Mommy and Daddy will never leave you, or assure you that you will never be left again. I can't tell you how you will never be without food again or be hungry for more. I can't tell you how much we are looking forward to having you in our family. How Gus and Ruby Claire ask about you every day. Ruby always wants to look at your pictures and Gus asks daily when you will be here. He want's to know, "Why it is taking so long?". Oh, how I wish I could make it move faster.
I know the day is coming when I will be able to do all these things.

But I also know that you are going to be very scared. You may be very angry with me for taking you from all that you have known up until now. You won't understand.
I too wish it didn't have to be this way. But it is the only way for you to live.
I know you won't understand this. I know you will feel abandoned again and you will have to walk through the pain and brokenness that has been done to you again.
Forgive me little one.

I want you to know how loved you are.
I know your biological Father and Mother loved you. Honey, you were so sick and they couldn't help you. They tried for a long time. They did the best they knew they could do to give you life. We will always honor them in our house. They will always have our greatest respect. They gave you life and by giving you up they gave you life again. This is no small thing. This is love. Please know that sweet boy.

Your China Nannies love you. I can see it in the photos of them with you. I can read it in the updates they give about how charming, loving, and mischievous you are. They will grieve the loss of you when you leave.

I am your Forever Mommy and I love you. It will take us time and I want you to know that I will spend the rest of my days in this world giving you as much time as you need. But I will not leave you alone. You can yell at me, act out, throw things, push me away or emotionally shut down completely. I will understand, it's OK. But I will not leave you. I will still love you no matter what. We will walk through this broken world together. I am not perfect and I won't do it all the right way but know every step will be taken in love.
You may not be born of my body but you were born in my heart. You are my son. You may not have my blood, but I pray that my love will run through your veins.

Mommy

Updates

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster in our adoption process. Adoption is a full time job, and it is not for the faint of heart. You deal with your agency, your social worker, US government, and the Chinese government. There are so many departments, it makes your head spin. You have to fight for your child every step of the way and encourage everyone else in the process to do so as well.

First, we got all our authenticated paperwork back from the Chinese consulate in Houston, TX. Then,
we sent in our i800a application (immigration application to adopt internationally) along with paying a hefty fee to get fingerprinted. Approval can take over 30 days, and you have to wait to be scheduled an appointment to get your fingerprints done. However, we have a sick kid who needs some blood here! There is no time for that. Once we received our receipt, Steve and I walked into the office and got fingerprinted. I also emailed USCIS and begged and pleaded to be granted medical expedite. I sent the many letters written by doctors for Garrick along with his medical file documenting his medical need.

By that afternoon, our expedite was approved. Four days later, we had our i800a approval in our hands! That's what God and one persistent Momma can do! In about two weeks, our dossier (all our paperwork) will be in China! In the adoption world, this is called DTC (Dossier to China), and our file will be LID (Logged In Date).

There are many more steps to come, but this was the biggest... the one we have waited a year and a half for.

A few days ago we got some updated pictures. The Lord knew we needed them!

He looked happy, and that made my heart soar. However, after the initial happiness of seeing him, I started really looking at the pictures, and my heart dropped in my stomach. If you look at his forehead, you can see that it is slightly protruding. This is called "bossing." In people who have Thalassemia, their bone marrow production goes into overdrive as their body tries to produce more red blood cells. This causes bony protrusions to form. This typically happens when they are not being transfused as often as they need to be for their body to function at an optimal level. This is not reversible and it will be with him the rest of his life.

This was just more proof that though Maria's is doing the very best they can for him (thank you Lord!), we have to get him home! Just like our doctors have urged us, he needs to be at the Thalassemia center getting blood and medication to remove his iron buildup. His little body is being damaged. Please continue to pray that our paperwork will be processed quickly, and we will have the necessary funds to go get him as soon as possible.

The first time I saw Garrick's face my heart started beating out of my chest and my brain started saying "Oh my goodness" over and over again. We knew right away that God was saying "It is time". Some of you have known that Steven and I have wanted to adopt since 2010, but it never worked out. It was all in God's timing. God chose that time to prepare our hearts to move forward, and he continues to open doors and sometimes push us through them. We were scared, but we could not deny our call to step out and sign up with our agency. Then the little face we fell in love with was going to be ours, and that in itself was a true act of the almighty God.

There are many things in our life at times that feel uncertain, but our adoption has never been one of them. In all our uncertainty, God continues to bless our adoption. He has has connected us with an online community of adoptive parents that have helped us navigate the process and provide support and encouragement. God has given us doctors who have shown us how manageable his medical need can be and how we are indeed able to meet it and care for him and written letters on our behalf to get his medical expedite approved. He has blessed us with a community of close friends who have given up many hours helping us fund raise, holding our family up in prayer, or donating to our adoption fund.

We know that God is showing his glory, and in the end, that is the most important thing.

The Great Aslan

I got to read the newsletter of Garricks orphanage today and saw that one of the little boys in his room was adopted. My heart leapt with joy as it does every time they announce an adoption. Joy for this child and parents as they get to go become a family. A child who once had no one now has someone, who now belongs...

But then, of course, the Mama in me goes straight to my son. To think of Garrick on the other side of the world watching his little friends get adopted while he sits and waits for his family to come get him fills me with overwhelming sadness. To know that he has lost another friend that he will most likely never see again is another loss in my child's story. Another break in his already battered and bruised heart.

Once again I can do nothing but put my trust in the Lord and hold on to his promises.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds- Psalm 147:3

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.- Psalm 34:18

I grew up reading the Narnia books by C.S. Lewis. To this day I get bored reading books that do not have a fairytale or fantasy component to them. There is a passage from the third book in the series, A Horse and His Boy, where a little orphan named Shasta encounters Aslan the lion but he cannot see that he is a lion due to the fog. He tells how he had been orphaned at a young age and raised by a stern fisherman. How he had then escaped. How he and his companions had been pursued by lions at least twice, and how one lion had actually gotten to Aravis (his friend) and wounded her. He tells about all the other dangers they have faced on their journey to Narnia. And he also tells about their trek through the desert and how terribly hungry and thirsty and exhausted he is.

“I do not call you unfortunate,” said the Large Voice.

“Don’t you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?” said Shasta.

“There was only one lion,” said the Voice.

“What on earth do you mean? I’ve just told you there were at least two the first night, and—”

“There was only one: but he was swift of foot.”

“How do you know?”

“I was the lion.” And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. “I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.”

The Lord is the lion protecting my son and guiding his steps. During my moments of fear, doubt and need for control I have to constantly say to myself in the words of C.S. Lewis:

“But courage, child: we are all between the paws of the true Aslan.”

Tears of Joy

Today I dropped the kids off with a good friend and headed to Zombieland a.k.a. Atlanta. I hit up Starbucks first as all good road trips should begin and I braved the traffic (and thankfully did not encounter too many zombies). Let me digress for a moment and just tell you right now-if you ever have to go to the city for anything please take MARTA. OK. That is my good advice for today. You're welcome.

My first stop was the Clerk of Superior Court to have our home study certified and then it was off to the Secretary of State. BTW good ol' Brian Kemp has way too many addresses. But eventually I made it to the correct building with no thanks to Google.

Upon entering the suite I was greeted by a very lovely receptionist who told me to hand over all my precious documents that have taken me months to gather, notarize and certify. She then told me to sit in the waiting room while they tirelessly checked each one and then (if they were correct) would officially place Georgia's Great Seal on them. With my heart beating out of my chest, I sat in silence for awhile waiting for her to come back . In moments like these we are prone to panic-which is exactly what I did as I considered any misstep that may have caused one of my documents to be deemed invalid.
Then I heard loud sounding booms coming from the other room and broke into tears. I knew right away my documents were being stapled to the blue folders! With every staple more tears flowed.
She then brought my documents for me to look over and gave me a hug saying "Oh honey, it is all good. It is all GOOD!". I thanked her for her kindness and she wished us well on our adoption.
I then speed to photocopy everything, went to the bank to get a cashiers check for the consulate, and went to FedEx to overnight express everything to a courier in Houston, Texas. Our package should arrive by 10:30am tomorrow and hopefully will go to the Chinese Consulate the same day. Once there they will receive the Chinese "stamp of approval" and can then be sent to China.

This has been a long crazy road. It is not done yet. But I feel like we are half way there. There is light at the end of this tunnel and my son is standing on the other side.

His mercies are new every morning

I have struggled with how to update this blog. There is so much to say, and yet so much to hold back so bear with me here.
This past month has been a roller coaster of love, pain, joy and grief.  Many events that I can't even relive right now. But in everything, the good and the bad, I see the Lord's hand guiding, I may not understand or even comprehend his plan but I know he is there. He has reminded me so clearly that I am his and he is my provider. Garrick is his and he will care for him. Steven and I have held on to one another and that promise. No matter what happens with our adoption it is all from, to and through God's hands.

He abundantly blessed our yard sale bringing in more than I could have imagined- more than I dared ask or pray for. And our garage is still full! He is good.
We tried to do it again the next week, but I was worn and weary with other things going on in our life. I was heartbroken and laid low, he knew I could not emotionally handle the sale that day and as I cried out in the early hours of the morning he let the rain fall. All I could do was cry out thankful for his mercy pouring down on me that day. He is good.

That same week both our cars decided to give out on us. But the day before it happened we were given another car by a sweet friend to sell and put towards the adoption or keep if we needed it. Our cars are still broken but it is OK because God provided.  He is good.

I was grieving hard for our Son one morning and in my email came an update with his beautiful face. It was like God was saying to me "See honey, it's OK. I got this baby girl". He is good.

Thus it has been the past month for our family, God continues to show up in the darkness and shine a light. Someday God will make all this brokenness beautiful, but right now he is going to satisfy everything in the mean time.

Prayers for Garrick

We learned today that Garrick was recently hospitalized. We were not told why just that he is doing better. Please, dear friends lift him up in prayer. Pray that we will be able to go to him quickly. We need our home study completed, our medical expedite approved, and that we will raise the money needed to get him.
Thank You.

Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours

I did not grow up around many adopted kids. My exposure to orphans or the idea of adoption was very minimal. Of course, I was aware there were children who were abandoned or who had no parents but I didn't know any of them personally. I saw the TV ads for sponsoring the poor-malnourished-child with the flies on his face but my only thought was "how sad". It was not a concern in my life. It did not truly effect me.

In 2010, Steven and I went on a mission trip to Haiti and we worked with orphans. Being with those kids was heart-changing. They were in my life, I was privy to be allowed entry into their hardships and brokenness. I was there to witness the fear the rain would bring for the children who lost their families in the hurricanes. To listen to the teen-aged orphan's desire for a "regular" family. These children tore down the walls of my heart and from that moment I knew I would never be the same.  I could no longer just think "how sad". Now it was personal.

Since then I knew I wanted to adopt and provide a home to a child who needed it. To give love and grace to a child who was rejected, cast out, and abandoned. To give them a name and an identity. To walk in that brokenness day to day with them. Because isn't that what Christ did for me? Isn't he walking with me in my brokenness?

I pray that if you do not yet have a broken heart for orphans you would ask God to give it to you. Ask him to break your heart for the things that break his. Ask him to make it personal in your life. He has done the same for you. He took your title as "Orphan, Sinner, Untouchable, Outcast, Unlucky, Deformed, Special-Need" adopted you as his own and gave you his name. Ask him to help you be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Give Reviving

Though Garrick lives at Maria's Big House Of Hope we are not allowed to contact them directly to request any updates or information.  Any updates we get on him can only come from China's Welfare department and given to our agency to pass along to us. We get one update every 4 months. I know that sounds crazy but it is what it is and there is no fighting it.

I usually look at Show Hope's facebook page everyday just to check and see if they have posted an update of the kids at Maria's. I scour the pictures looking for the face that I know and love. There had been no pictures of Garrick since Easter. Then today I saw 3 new ones of him at one of the children's birthday parties!

  They were posted last week and I missed them! How did that happen? The only reason I can come up with is that God in his goodness and mercy knew that I would need them THIS week. He knew this week I would be worn and weary, sad, and weak. He knows my heart. He is a good and loving father and continues to bless and restore my soul.

Father for Thy, promised blessing,
Still we plead before Thy throne
For the times of, sweet refreshing,
Which can come from Thee alone
Blessed earnests, Thou hast given,
But in these we would not rest
Blessings still with, Thee are hidden,
Pour them forth and make us blest!

Let no people be forgotten,
Let Thy showers on all descend
That in one loud blessed anthem,
Millions may in triumph blend
Give reviving, give refreshing,
Give the looked-for Jubilee
To Thyself may, crowds be pressing,
Bringing glory unto Thee

In the waiting

There are many things about the adoption process that is stressful but I think the waiting is the worst part.
The waiting to be matched to your future child. Why did it take a year for China to put Garrick's file together? I said to our agency last year "He is already three years old!" Now he is four and I pray that he will not turn 5 without us. God, why so long?

The waiting for paperwork to come from one place just to send it off to another, then wait for it to come back to send off again. Every day the mailbox holds joy or disappointment.

Nothing moves fast enough. In two more months we can request an update on how he is doing. TWO MONTHS. Two more months I will wait to see how they are caring for my child half way around the world.

Busy. Stay busy. Nothing assuages the sense of urgency that builds in my heart day after day.

But when all that is done, and in the quiet hours during the night, I know I am helpless. There is no office I can call, postal truck to wait for, or children to care for. I cannot handle this myself.

It is in these times that I need to remind myself of who the Lord is. His character does not change regardless of how I feel or what my circumstances may be.

Who knows the mind of our God? 

Who can bring counsel to him? 

For from him, through him and to him is everything.

HE holds my life in his hand and has chosen this exact time to allow our adoption to proceed or to stall. Too many events have taken place to confirm that. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he has planned and orchestrated this from the beginning and it will all be on HIS timing and not mine. Who am I to think my time is better?

HE holds my son who is half a world away when I cannot. He is his eternal father and loves him just as fiercely as I do. Who am I to worry?

HE is the Provider. Who am I to presume I can do it myself? Who am I to worry about money, health or time?

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

It is in these times of waiting when I know that I need him fully and completely. These are the times he is using to do a good work in me. Though the waiting is hard it will be good. Pray for us, dear friends, to fight the good fight and continue to draw near to him while we wait.

A sweet surprise

Yesterday we received some hard copies of our adoption documents including pictures. Gus was so excited to put Garrick's picture in a frame.

Right away he ran to our dining room and placed the picture with our other family photos.

"Garrick is my brother! He needs to be with us." I agree.

Why China?

I've had many people asking questions about why we chose to adopt from China. Truthfully, we would have adopted from anywhere. We did not have a preference, but once we saw Garrick's picture, we knew we didn't want just any child. We wanted him. It feels like he chose us. China chose us.

Once we said "Yes," we got a crash course in the history of China and it's adoption process.
More than 100,000 abandoned children from newborn to age fourteen (depending on the orphanage) are living a hard life in state and private-run orphanages across China. Over 95% of these unfortunate children are impacted by minor, major, or multiple physical conditions. As children with medical needs, they are considered "not adoptable" in a culture that has only, until recently, long rejected the practice of adoption.

However, many of these children are absolutely adoptable, and many of their physical conditions are either correctable or manageable through the advanced medical resources readily available in the US.

Why did we choose our agency CCAI?
When we contacted Show Hope about Garrick, we were told to contact CCAI, as most all the files of adoptable children in northern China will be designated just to them. Why is this? Well, CCAI was founded by two Chinese Nationals who saw a need and wanted to help fill it. More than 11,000 Chinese children have found homes since 1994 through CCAI, more than any other agency in the world. CCAI has been ranked #1 by the China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA) for overall assessment and placements. The CCCWA is China’s highest authority for international adoption affairs. Basically, CCAI is who China considers the most "Trust worthy."

Isn't it easier to get a girl than a boy?
Absolutely not! That may have been the case years ago but no longer. Now that it has been 30 years since the one child policy went into effect there is now 4 boys to every girl. China is no longer offering girls for adoption unless they have medical needs.

Is it safe to adopt from China?
When people ask this question, I know right away what they are really asking is this: "Will the Chinese government honor the adoption when you get there and will they increase the fees at the last minute?" The answer is "NO." Unlike some other countries, China is part of the Hague convention. This means that China and the US have signed a treaty (an international agreement) to establish safeguards to ensure that intercountry adoptions take place in the best interests of the child (e.i. no human trafficking) and conform to both countries laws; this ensures that both countries follow set legal guidelines during the adoption process. China has been participating in international adoptions for decades, they have a very thorough standardized system that they are legally required to follow and have done so successfully.

As we learned more about China, its people and its culture, we have been given a glimpse of a wider world view and great respect for the agencies and individuals who make international adoption possible. We have a desire to continue to encourage Garrick's Chinese heritage as he grows. We hope that he will be proud to be Chinese and to be American.


To learn more about us and help us fund our Adoption you can donate here: http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/germany-family-adoption-fund/330417

Be still my beating heart...

Friday morning is our first home study meeting with our caseworker. This is the first of 3 meetings in which she will determine that we are a suitable family. This is a mandatory process for all adoptions. It may sound scary but it really isn't, case workers are not out to find fault in a family they are out to find all the reasons why this is a GOOD family!
This is exciting as it is one more step closer to this adorable little guy!!

"What can I do?"

First, a word of gratitude to everyone who has been so gracious and generous as our family continues to work toward adopting Garrick. Your encouragement and support of us is so uplifting during a very stressful process.

We have a long way to go, so I wanted to let everybody know about a few projects we're involved in as we continue to get closer to bringing Garrick home.

First, We will be having a large yard sale this summer June 26 &27, where all proceeds will go toward our adoption travel expenses. Any items you would like to get rid of to donate to our sale will be greatly appreciated! We can pick them up (if they fit in our car) or arrange a drop off time. During the sale, if you have time and want to help us or just come give some encouragement we would love that!

Second, we are partnering with Just Love Coffee Roasters. You know Steven and I love coffee so this is a perfect partnership. If you order coffee through our page, a portion of the money will go toward our adoption. So if you want to help out with our adoption while also drinking delicious organic, Fair Trade coffee (they have K-Cups!), feel free to click the link and order something. It costs the same as coffee at the grocery store.

Third, we will be featured on Saturday July 25th at Righteous Que, our local BBQ restaurant. They have graciously offered to donate 10% of their profit for that day to our adoption! So please come out, bring your friends and join us for some good BBQ!

Fourth, a few years ago Steven and his friend Aaron recorded a worship album titled The Well. They are offering that album on Bandcamp for $5.00 (or more if you so choose). Go here to listen and buy.

So in summary, here are all the available ways to contribute (of course, please feel free to give nothing at all; we do not feel entitled to anyone's generosity; this is only for people who want to do something)-

Donate items to our Yard Sale or come help with the sale.

Buy Just Love Coffee

Come eat BBQ on July 25th at Righteous Que

Buy The Well's album

Make a donation at YouCaring.com

Thank you so much for your interest and your support. I'm sure we will be doing lots of other fundraising activities up until we leave for China. But these are just a few things that are active now.
Grace and peace be with you.

Steve & Christa