Now you may be asking, "How can someone work so hard and do so much, go all the way to China, and not come back with that child?"
I don't know. I've read of stories though. Stories that crush your very soul and make you weep that "ugly cry" that no one wants to experience. I will not judge those families as I've never been in their place. I hope to never have to be in their place. I'm grateful I wasn't.
But I can tell you that the child you have in those first 24 hours is not your "real child". They are just as scared and anxious as the parent receiving them. And they use whatever coping mechanism that has helped them survive up until that point. Garrick was all smiles for the first 2 days we had him. Steven and I looked at each other like "is it really this easy?"
Nope.
Those first two days we were all putting on our best behavior. Garrick didn't really believe he was staying with us, which was evidenced by him gathering every item we gave him in his little backpack to take with him whenever we left the room. He skipped from place to place, he smiled for every picture, he charmed everyone in our group with his personality. But he never cried... not even when he hit his head on the hand rail in the elevator. I was astounded that he kept those tears in and shoved that much pain down. I knew it was not going to be contained for too much longer.
Then came the third day. Garrick was playing with another little boy in the hotel lobby when he fell and hit his head hard on the marble floor. I scooped him up right away while he finally let out a cry from the pain. Then he began to wail. For 20 minutes I sat on a luggage cart in the Hilton Hotel lobby letting my son scream out his pain. Not from his head but from his heart. We finally had to get on the bus and Garrick decided at that point he wanted nothing to do with me. He wanted to sit next to Steve. He sat stoically looking out the window for a few minutes and then tears just began streaming down his little cheeks. He didn't even make a sound.
That was the beginning of walls coming down. Our harmonious period as a new family was up. Honeymoon over.
From then on Garrick was outright defiant or would just ignore us completely. Which can be very difficult for parents who expect their children to obey. But who were we to him? Why should he have to listen to us anyway? They say you need to just survive in China. "Give them what they want" in China. But we couldn't with him, he was all over the place, and would have got himself and others hurt. We had to be parents. I truly believe he had never heard the word "No" before. Now I'm glad we set those boundaries early because we have needed them at home!
My son would bite, hit, or walk up to another child and poke them in the eye for no reason. He would have a full blown meltdown over the tiniest things and he could not calm himself. We are still battling these "orphanage behaviors" on a daily basis. Garrick tends to revert back to infant behavior when he does not get his way or if he is reprimanded for something. It will take holding, rocking, and drinking a sippy cup of milk for him to relax. This happens multiple times a day.
But today we had less meltdowns. Today we had more playing with the siblings instead of tormenting them. Today we had some bright moments. Today was a good day. Tomorrow will probably go back to being hard. But I know that things are coming together the way they need to. I see my son learning to trust me and that is a beautiful thing.
It isn't always harmonious... but who ever said it would be?
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