Dear Son,

Dear Garrick,
Right now you are still in China and we are here trying to get you home to us. We are praying for you daily and planning on your arrival. But while we wait I want you to know a few things. I know it will be several years until you are able to understand all of this but I think it is important for me to tell you now.

Waiting is hard. Being a mother to a child far away is extremely hard because you can't do what Mommys do for their child. I can't hold you or comfort you when you are sad. I can't be with you in the hospital when you are there and I pray you are not left alone in such a scary place. I can't tell you how Mommy and Daddy will never leave you, or assure you that you will never be left again. I can't tell you how you will never be without food again or be hungry for more. I can't tell you how much we are looking forward to having you in our family. How Gus and Ruby Claire ask about you every day. Ruby always wants to look at your pictures and Gus asks daily when you will be here. He want's to know, "Why it is taking so long?". Oh, how I wish I could make it move faster.
I know the day is coming when I will be able to do all these things.

But I also know that you are going to be very scared. You may be very angry with me for taking you from all that you have known up until now. You won't understand.
I too wish it didn't have to be this way. But it is the only way for you to live.
I know you won't understand this. I know you will feel abandoned again and you will have to walk through the pain and brokenness that has been done to you again.
Forgive me little one.

I want you to know how loved you are.
I know your biological Father and Mother loved you. Honey, you were so sick and they couldn't help you. They tried for a long time. They did the best they knew they could do to give you life. We will always honor them in our house. They will always have our greatest respect. They gave you life and by giving you up they gave you life again. This is no small thing. This is love. Please know that sweet boy.

Your China Nannies love you. I can see it in the photos of them with you. I can read it in the updates they give about how charming, loving, and mischievous you are. They will grieve the loss of you when you leave.

I am your Forever Mommy and I love you. It will take us time and I want you to know that I will spend the rest of my days in this world giving you as much time as you need. But I will not leave you alone. You can yell at me, act out, throw things, push me away or emotionally shut down completely. I will understand, it's OK. But I will not leave you. I will still love you no matter what. We will walk through this broken world together. I am not perfect and I won't do it all the right way but know every step will be taken in love.
You may not be born of my body but you were born in my heart. You are my son. You may not have my blood, but I pray that my love will run through your veins.

Mommy