Dear First Mama

Dear First Mama,

Here in America we have a day called Mother's Day, on this day woman all over the country are honored with flowers, cards, and lunches. It is a small celebration for the magnitude of what it means to raise up a child and watch them grow. It is a celebration I wish I could share with you. 

 I know you must wonder about the boy who is missing. Is he alive? Is he healthy? Is he loved and happy? I know the memory of him must haunt you. 

Our son has suffered such a great loss. He has experienced the terror of being abandoned and alone. He had cried, called out for you, and no one but a stranger answered. He was taken to a strange place and spent the nights crying and the days waiting for you to come back. He has endured the very worst of what it means to lose a parent. He will spend the rest of his life trying to heal those wounds and make peace with his past. He will wrestle with questions that may never be answered. It is a burden that no child should have placed upon them.

I want you to know that I hold no anger towards you. I am angry at this world. I am angry at a world where sin and brokenness run rampant and destroy families. Where children are abandoned in crowded train stations because their parents have no choice. I will never know all the circumstances that led you to make that painful decision but I do know that you had run out of options.

Our son was so sick. So very sick.

And what you did that day saved his life.

Saved. His. Life.

Do you know that sweet first Mama? 

Our son, yours and mine, is alive because of your selfless courage. The magnitude of your sacrifice is not forgotten by me. You carried him for 9 months and cared for him for 2 years. You did the best you could for him. You will always be honored in our house. Our son will always know that his first mama was a brave woman, a selfless woman, a woman to be held in high esteem. There is no doubt in my mind the love you have for our son. I promise he will know that.

Our son is so funny! He loves to make us laugh. I am convinced you too must have a sense of humor. He has brought so much laughter and joy into our home. And is he stubborn! He is fierce and strong-willed. He is a survivor, just like you.

He is so handsome- he has the most beautiful dark brown eyes, his black hair actually has strands of dark red in it that you can see when the sun shines on it. I know you must be beautiful. I often look at him and wonder what features are yours.

I want you to know that we pray for you every day.

We pray that some how, some way, you learn about Jesus Christ and just how much He loves you and gave everything up for YOU.

He knows your heartache very well, First Mama, very well.

Oh we pray you know Him.

We pray that He binds up the gaping hole that was ripped into your heart the day you said good bye to our little boy.

Oh China Mama, He can and He will.

He is in the business of restoring what the locusts have eaten.

He will heal your broken heart,

and one day...

One day, we will hug your neck in heaven.

I pray this over you every day.

Happy Mothers Day First Mama

***This post was inspired by a post by my sweet friend Kelly Payne.