A little about Garrick

Here are a few things that we love (and are learning to love) about Garrick:

He LOVES to dance in his underwear... in fact, he loves to only be in his underwear all the time. 

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, and Star Wars are his favorite shows. 

He has to have his pacifier all the time (hopefully we will let that go relatively soon).

He is super bossy and the biggest tattle-tale!

He likes to follow me around and repeat what I say to Gus and Ruby as if he is second in command. I have to constantly remind him that "Mommy is boss".

When he wants to tell you something that he feels is really important (like tattling on his siblings) he goes all out! Hand motions, sounds, English and Chinese mixed together. It is hilarious.

He sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star... in a minor key.

He and Ruby Claire are becoming best buddies. They both have bonded over their true love of the pacifier.

He has the funniest dance move. He shakes his pelvis and waves his hands in the air. We are convinced that someone over there was teaching him how to impersonate Elvis.

He loves dinosaurs and every time he sees one he says "Dinosaur Rowr!", he also loves to run around the house pretending he is one.

He has learned all the right things to say when he knows he is in trouble: "Yes, Mam" "No, sir" "No Garrick! Gus/Ruby!"

He is very possessive of anything that belongs to him.  

He will still sing "Happy Birthday to you" every time he gets to eat cake.

He really enjoys car rides and gets upset when it is over.

I've never seen a kid drink so much milk in my life. We go through a gallon every 2 days.

He will eat noodles any time of day (like 6am). He also prefers chicken noodle soup over raman, which he calls "Horse Noodles"... I don't want to know why.

He does a really good Kung Fu impersonation.

He is very good at sorting and matching toys. I plan on getting him to help me with the sock laundry soon ;)

Whenever he and Gus are together, you can bet they are up to no good!

He gets excited whenever he sees any super hero but Spider-man is his favorite.

He loves to be tickled, kissed, and hugged and he loves to give affection back.

His smile can light up a room.

He is strong willed and determined, which I believe has served him well these past few years.

His favorite foods are watermelon, salad, cucumber, noodles, vanilla yogurt, chicken nuggets and apple juice.

And last but most important... we are in awe of how the Lord has provided through our son an earthly reminder of just how great, wondrous, and good he is. Whenever I fear or doubt the unknown, or the impossible, I look at Garrick and I see God's overwhelming love and grace in our life. I cannot be anything but thankful.

Christmas Sillies

One Month Home

This past weekend marked one month since we have been home. Honestly, it does not feel like it has been a month. If I'm to be honest, it has felt like a blur. Exhaustion and stress will do that. But we have made good progress in just the past week as a family. We are finally starting to venture out and begin working on trusting outside of the home.

We went to church for the first time today. Garrick did great. He walked right into class with Ruby Claire and did well with the other kids (No hitting! Score!). About half way through the class they came and got me because he wanted to know where I was. I was so grateful they listened to his concern and followed through. He needs to know I will be there, he needs to know his teachers will come get me if he asks, he needs to know church is a safe place.

These were big steps for us, and often when we make big steps we have regression. Unfortunately, by the time we got home Garrick became defiant and went into a full blown inconsolable rage. He finally wore himself out enough that he fell asleep and when he awoke his crying began again. On and off again for the rest of the day his emotions swayed like a ship in a storm.

I would like to explain that this is not surprising to us. This is very normal behavior for children who have come from hard places. My son is grieving, so when he cry's and fights or melts down he is acting out from a place of deep loss and hurt.

"Behavior is a form of communication. Who we are, where we’ve been, and what we want others to know all direct our responses. While all children act out or shut down or lose tempers or cry from time to time, what each one is communicating with that behavior might be different. While all children display certain behaviors, not all children have lost their parents to death or abandonment or addiction or disease. Not all children have been uprooted from the home or country or familiar voices in the womb to live out the rest of their days in a different home and maybe a different country and with a different mother. Not all children have witnessed or experienced abuse or neglect or malnutrition. Not all kids have learned that adults aren’t always trustworthy, home isn’t always safe, and family isn’t always forever." --Shannon Dingle

Is it easy going through hard times even if you know the reasons behind it?

No, it's not. It's not easy to deeply love a person who just few weeks ago was a stranger but is now your family. There is so much to learn, so much to take in, so much to catch up to. So many expectations to let go of. So much ground to cover.

It is easy to get frustrated. It is easy to not want to comfort my son when he is throwing a fit on the floor because he doesn't want to watch the same t.v. show as his siblings or eat the food that has been made. It is easy to want to parent him just like I would my other children if they were to behave in such a way. It is easy to demand obedience.

But I can't because his frustration, need for security, and control are coming from a wound that is so deep he cannot bear it. And so it begins to overflow and burst open at the slightest hint or memory of that loss, and he has never been given the emotional tools to be able to stop it. They were stolen from him.

These times are hard. Loving people who have been hurt is hard. And showing love when you are wounded and hurting is even harder. So I have to meet him in the brokenness. And for me, that means I have to hold my son while he screams and cry's and hits. That I have to tell him he is loved and safe over and over again. That when he shouts at me to leave him alone and go away I have to tell him that Mama will never "go away". That when he needs a "time out" we have a "time-in" together.

We are making progress as Garrick had gone a few days without a meltdown. Going to church was new and exciting for him, and for my boy, new and exciting things cause anxiety and the remembrance of just how much he is not in control. So next week we will try again, and the week after, and we will try to take this new normal a step at a time. And, hopefully in six months or so we will look back on this time and say "Look what the Lord has done!"

The Harmonious Period

When you go to China to adopt, the day you get your child is called "Gotcha Day" and that day begins a 24 hour period that they call the "harmonious period". Basically, if in 24 hours you decide you no longer want your child you can give them back with no repercussions. Not a very apt name, is it?

Now you may be asking, "How can someone work so hard and do so much, go all the way to China, and not come back with that child?"

I don't know. I've read of stories though. Stories that crush your very soul and make you weep that "ugly cry" that no one wants to experience. I will not judge those families as I've never been in their place. I hope to never have to be in their place. I'm grateful I wasn't.

But I can tell you that the child you have in those first 24 hours is not your "real child". They are just as scared and anxious as the parent receiving them. And they use whatever coping mechanism that has helped them survive up until that point. Garrick was all smiles for the first 2 days we had him. Steven and I looked at each other like "is it really this easy?"

Nope.

Those first two days we were all putting on our best behavior. Garrick didn't really believe he was staying with us, which was evidenced by him gathering every item we gave him in his little backpack to take with him whenever we left the room. He skipped from place to place, he smiled for every picture, he charmed everyone in our group with his personality. But he never cried... not even when he hit his head on the hand rail in the elevator. I was astounded that he kept those tears in and shoved that much pain down. I knew it was not going to be contained for too much longer.

Then came the third day. Garrick was playing with another little boy in the hotel lobby when he fell and hit his head hard on the marble floor. I scooped him up right away while he finally let out a cry from the pain. Then he began to wail. For 20 minutes I sat on a luggage cart in the Hilton Hotel lobby letting my son scream out his pain. Not from his head but from his heart. We finally had to get on the bus and Garrick decided at that point he wanted nothing to do with me. He wanted to sit next to Steve. He sat stoically looking out the window for a few minutes and then tears just began streaming down his little cheeks. He didn't even make a sound.

That was the beginning of walls coming down. Our harmonious period as a new family was up. Honeymoon over.

From then on Garrick was outright defiant or would just ignore us completely. Which can be very difficult for parents who expect their children to obey. But who were we to him? Why should he have to listen to us anyway? They say you need to just survive in China. "Give them what they want" in China. But we couldn't with him, he was all over the place, and would have got himself and others hurt. We had to be parents. I truly believe he had never heard the word "No" before.  Now I'm glad we set those boundaries early because we have needed them at home!
 My son would bite, hit, or walk up to another child and poke them in the eye for no reason. He would have a full blown meltdown over the tiniest things and he could not calm himself. We are still battling these "orphanage behaviors" on a daily basis. Garrick tends to revert back to infant behavior when he does not get his way or if he is reprimanded for something. It will take holding, rocking, and drinking a sippy cup of milk for him to relax. This happens multiple times a day.

But today we had less meltdowns. Today we had more playing with the siblings instead of tormenting them. Today we had some bright moments. Today was a good day. Tomorrow will probably go back to being hard. But I know that things are coming together the way they need to. I see my son learning to trust me and that is a beautiful thing.

It isn't always harmonious... but who ever said it would be?