Dear First Mama

Dear First Mama,

Here in America we have a day called Mother's Day, on this day woman all over the country are honored with flowers, cards, and lunches. It is a small celebration for the magnitude of what it means to raise up a child and watch them grow. It is a celebration I wish I could share with you. 

 I know you must wonder about the boy who is missing. Is he alive? Is he healthy? Is he loved and happy? I know the memory of him must haunt you. 

Our son has suffered such a great loss. He has experienced the terror of being abandoned and alone. He had cried, called out for you, and no one but a stranger answered. He was taken to a strange place and spent the nights crying and the days waiting for you to come back. He has endured the very worst of what it means to lose a parent. He will spend the rest of his life trying to heal those wounds and make peace with his past. He will wrestle with questions that may never be answered. It is a burden that no child should have placed upon them.

I want you to know that I hold no anger towards you. I am angry at this world. I am angry at a world where sin and brokenness run rampant and destroy families. Where children are abandoned in crowded train stations because their parents have no choice. I will never know all the circumstances that led you to make that painful decision but I do know that you had run out of options.

Our son was so sick. So very sick.

And what you did that day saved his life.

Saved. His. Life.

Do you know that sweet first Mama? 

Our son, yours and mine, is alive because of your selfless courage. The magnitude of your sacrifice is not forgotten by me. You carried him for 9 months and cared for him for 2 years. You did the best you could for him. You will always be honored in our house. Our son will always know that his first mama was a brave woman, a selfless woman, a woman to be held in high esteem. There is no doubt in my mind the love you have for our son. I promise he will know that.

Our son is so funny! He loves to make us laugh. I am convinced you too must have a sense of humor. He has brought so much laughter and joy into our home. And is he stubborn! He is fierce and strong-willed. He is a survivor, just like you.

He is so handsome- he has the most beautiful dark brown eyes, his black hair actually has strands of dark red in it that you can see when the sun shines on it. I know you must be beautiful. I often look at him and wonder what features are yours.

I want you to know that we pray for you every day.

We pray that some how, some way, you learn about Jesus Christ and just how much He loves you and gave everything up for YOU.

He knows your heartache very well, First Mama, very well.

Oh we pray you know Him.

We pray that He binds up the gaping hole that was ripped into your heart the day you said good bye to our little boy.

Oh China Mama, He can and He will.

He is in the business of restoring what the locusts have eaten.

He will heal your broken heart,

and one day...

One day, we will hug your neck in heaven.

I pray this over you every day.

Happy Mothers Day First Mama

***This post was inspired by a post by my sweet friend Kelly Payne.

Our first Easter all together...

A year ago, our Easter was filled with sadness; there was an ache in our hearts, a piece missing- a longing for our son to be home with us. But this Easter was the fulfillment of all the things hoped and prayed for. Steven and I watched as our three children's eyes lit up at the sight of their Easter baskets, when they came bursting out of their classes talking about how "Jesus was dead but now he is alive!" and to see the pure joy of finding dandelions and blowing them in the wind. 

They spent the rest of the day playing together and eating their candy. I watched as Garrick picked out all of the pink Starburst candies from his basket and gave them to Ruby Claire because he knew they were her favorite, she gave him her chocolate bunny because he loved eating his so much. Gus exclaimed "This is the best Easter ever!" and we couldn't have agreed more. 

This evening at dinner Steve turned to me and said "they really love each other now, don't they?" 

"yes, I think so". Just like the flowers blooming all around us our children's affection for one another is flourishing. Spring has come.

Welcome home, my Love.

This is what Show Hope does...

Today the mail man dropped off a very large package and in it contained three folders bursting with Garrick's preschool crafts from Maria's Big house. I did not expect this at all and was quite taken aback at first. Every project from 2013 when he was admitted was beautifully displayed in individual plastic sleeves. Some projects even had little notes written on it like "Garrick only wanted to color today". As I went through each page my heart was so filled with joy to have this piece of his past life. When he first came home I felt so overwhelmed with how much I didn't know about him. How much of his past is such a mystery to me. And, I've had to piece all the parts together to try to see a big picture. But no matter what I do there will always be pieces of his history that I cannot answer for him. There will always be gaps in his life puzzle.

But by God's grace, he continues to provide ways to fill in some of those gaps. And this was a big one!

With each page I just kept thanking God for this gift. This is something my son can physically touch and know he was loved and cared for even before he came to us. That though what he has endured is terrible, there were people in his life who cared for him enough to save every scribbled little coloring page.  

So when he is asking "why?" at age eight, sixteen, or fifty I can put these books in his hands along with every other document I have, and say with all truth "I don't know. It's not fair. But you were loved and you are loved".

 Thank you Show Hope. Thank you Maria's Big house. Thank you to the Renich family. Thank you for caring for my boy when I wasn't there. Thank you. 

A Child of the Covenant

Last week we were so blessed that our friends Rev. Matt Lowe and his wife Cindy were able to come visit us and baptize Garrick. They have been our close friends and mentors for many years and have baptized both Gus and Ruby Claire. To us, the act of Matt baptizing Garrick was another visible sign that Garrick is our son, and with that, he has all claim and rights to our name as do our other children. Our son will no longer hold the title of 'Orphan' in any way, shape, or form.

For people who don't know us personally, we hold to the Reformed faith. We believe that the Bible is the authoritative Word of God, without error in all that it teaches.
We hold to the beliefs, which are contained within the Bible and reflected in the Westminster Confession of Faith and the Nicene and Apostles’ Creeds.

We believe Baptism is a sacrament ordained by Christ. It is a sign and seal of the inclusion of the person who is baptized in the covenant of grace. Baptism with water teaches that we and our children are conceived and born in sin. It signifies our dying to sin and our rising to newness of life by virtue of our union with Christ in His death and resurrection. It also signifies and seals to us cleansing from sin by the blood and Spirit of Christ. Since these gifts are the gracious provision of the triune God, who is pleased to claim us as His very own, we are baptized in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Baptized persons are called upon to assume the obligations of the covenant; Baptism summons us to renounce sin and the world, and to walk humbly with our God in devotion to His commandments.

Although our young children do not yet understand these things, we believe they should be baptized. We do not believe baptism is a means of salvation. But, we believe the promise of the covenant that was made to Abraham is also made to believers and to their children, as God declared to Abraham, ‘And I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you in their generations, for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and your descendants after you (Genesis 17:7).’ Under the New Testament, no less than in the Old, the children of believers, have, by virtue of their birth, an interest in the covenant and a right to the seal of it. The covenant of grace is the same in substance in both the Old and the New Testament, and Baptism has replaced circumcision as the seal of that covenant (Colossians 2:11,12). 

Our Savior admitted little children into His presence, embracing them and blessing them, and saying, ‘Of such is the kingdom of God (Mark 10:14).’ The grace signified in baptism is not tied to the moment of administration. Scripture teaches that our children are covenantally holy before their baptism (I Corinthians 7:14). Baptism applies the promises and obligations of the covenant to our children, and calls them to personal repentance and faith as they come to years of understanding. 

It is our duty before God to raise our children in a community of faith in the nourishment and admonition of the Lord. We believe that our actions as parents have eternal consequences. We look to our church to join us in that endeavor by supporting, encouraging, and praying for us. 

We pray that as they grow, their little hearts will continue to be drawn to Christ and the lessons they have learned will take root and produce fruit. That they will, in turn, accept him as their Savior.

We believe that God waves his banner of love over them, that he brought us together- even a half a world away, and that he will do a good work in them. That is the promise we hold to, and we believe that it will not return void. 

***Eventually I'll get the video to upload but it is a massive file.

Two Months

Two months ago this week we were in China standing in a brightly-colored room with many other anxious parents-to-be. We all hovered around the door waiting for our children to arrive. As soon as a nanny was spotted holding the hand of a little girl with pigtails, shouts rang out "A little girl is coming!" and in walked a scared little beauty and in just a few seconds she was swept up into her Daddy's arms and she was suddenly a daughter.

 One by one each child arrived slowly, many who had to travel from far distances and took several hours to get there. Exhausted, emotional, hyper, crying, solemn. Each one experiencing loss not for the first time but the second.  The day they were abandoned and now the day they lost everything they have known since that point. So much loss and brokenness mixed with love and hope in one room. 

When Garrick arrived I spotted him right away but could not get to the door through the other families wanting to see if he was their son. All I could do was step back and wait for the crowd to part, saying over and over again "that's my baby". 

The past two years of praying, waiting 8 months for his file, the past year of paperwork, social worker visits, doctor consultations, hours dealing with insurance, 17 grant applications, working everyday but Sunday, endless trips to FedEx, saving every penny, t-shirt sales, garage sales, whatever-it-takes sales. All of it led to this moment:

 Our little man did not hug us or give us kisses, in fact we didn't even get to hold him until after we got on to the bus to go back to the hotel. He smiled at us as he stayed next to his Nanny while she told him we were his Mama and Baba. Then he ran away! There was a slide and play area in our meeting room and he ran to it immediately with not a thought of anything else. I don't even think he ever said "goodbye" to his nanny. The next few hours he played while we signed papers. And then we were on the bus to go back to the hotel as a new family.
The next day he was officially ours.

Receiving our official Adoption Declaration

This was the first moment he willingly let me hold him

Our Travel group

The past two months have been harder than I could have ever imagined. But it also has been so rewarding. Watching Garrick become attached to us- concerned for his siblings, needing his "Mommy" to kiss his boo boos or just to get a hug and kiss, to witness the happiness he expresses each time he sees his "Daddy" is so beautiful. Two months ago he did not notice or care for another child but today I watched him help a little girl up the stairs of the McDonald's play area, helping to lift her up to the places she couldn't reach or warning her "Careful Baby" of areas she could fall into. He continually sought out his brother and sister to see where they were and make sure they were okay. Watching him grow as a person is such a beautiful picture of redemption and I am more than grateful the Lord chose me to witness it.

He continues to make more progress everyday and so have we. God has been doing a work in my own heart and growing my love for Garrick on a daily basis. When my other children were born I had those first months to hold them, and snuggle them, breathe them in and bond with them. It was so natural and easy for that motherly love to fill me up and overflow. But upon adopting a 4-year-old  those things do not come naturally in an instant. I loved Garrick from the moment we decided that he would be our son. But you cannot fall in love with a picture, a picture has no emotion or personality, you must fall in love with the person. These past two months I have intentionally tried to show as much motherly affection towards him as I can... sometimes even when I didn't want to.
Today he came up hugged me and said "I love you Mommy" as he sunk his face into my chest, I breathed in his smell and said "I love you too". "That's my baby"...He became my baby in that moment just as Gus and Ruby Claire have been my babies. I am seeing the bonds of love wrap our hearts together as a mother and son's should and once again I am in awe of God's redemptive beauty.

My New Years Resolution

The last few days I have thought a lot about events this past year. There have been plenty of times where I've felt like I was standing on the edge of the Red Sea, staring at an impasse, no way out and no way to go forward. No idea what to do except put my trust in God and look fear in the face with assurance that he has led me to this exact spot for his purpose and glory no matter how dire the situation looks. And I've watched him show up and part the sea, perform the unbelievable, and I've been in awe of him and his ways.
And yet, I find myself right back on that beach to stare at the insurmountable course in front of me. And I tremble with fear because maybe this time he won't part it, maybe he will make me stand on this beach forever, or maybe I'll finally succumb to those who wish to harm me. And that sea is terrifying.
But it's not terrifying to God. God commands that sea. So my prayer for 2016 is that each time I stand on that beach and the water rises, whether it parts or it consumes me, I will rest in him and I can say "it is well with my soul".

A little about Garrick

Here are a few things that we love (and are learning to love) about Garrick:

He LOVES to dance in his underwear... in fact, he loves to only be in his underwear all the time. 

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, and Star Wars are his favorite shows. 

He has to have his pacifier all the time (hopefully we will let that go relatively soon).

He is super bossy and the biggest tattle-tale!

He likes to follow me around and repeat what I say to Gus and Ruby as if he is second in command. I have to constantly remind him that "Mommy is boss".

When he wants to tell you something that he feels is really important (like tattling on his siblings) he goes all out! Hand motions, sounds, English and Chinese mixed together. It is hilarious.

He sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star... in a minor key.

He and Ruby Claire are becoming best buddies. They both have bonded over their true love of the pacifier.

He has the funniest dance move. He shakes his pelvis and waves his hands in the air. We are convinced that someone over there was teaching him how to impersonate Elvis.

He loves dinosaurs and every time he sees one he says "Dinosaur Rowr!", he also loves to run around the house pretending he is one.

He has learned all the right things to say when he knows he is in trouble: "Yes, Mam" "No, sir" "No Garrick! Gus/Ruby!"

He is very possessive of anything that belongs to him.  

He will still sing "Happy Birthday to you" every time he gets to eat cake.

He really enjoys car rides and gets upset when it is over.

I've never seen a kid drink so much milk in my life. We go through a gallon every 2 days.

He will eat noodles any time of day (like 6am). He also prefers chicken noodle soup over raman, which he calls "Horse Noodles"... I don't want to know why.

He does a really good Kung Fu impersonation.

He is very good at sorting and matching toys. I plan on getting him to help me with the sock laundry soon ;)

Whenever he and Gus are together, you can bet they are up to no good!

He gets excited whenever he sees any super hero but Spider-man is his favorite.

He loves to be tickled, kissed, and hugged and he loves to give affection back.

His smile can light up a room.

He is strong willed and determined, which I believe has served him well these past few years.

His favorite foods are watermelon, salad, cucumber, noodles, vanilla yogurt, chicken nuggets and apple juice.

And last but most important... we are in awe of how the Lord has provided through our son an earthly reminder of just how great, wondrous, and good he is. Whenever I fear or doubt the unknown, or the impossible, I look at Garrick and I see God's overwhelming love and grace in our life. I cannot be anything but thankful.

Christmas Sillies

One Month Home

This past weekend marked one month since we have been home. Honestly, it does not feel like it has been a month. If I'm to be honest, it has felt like a blur. Exhaustion and stress will do that. But we have made good progress in just the past week as a family. We are finally starting to venture out and begin working on trusting outside of the home.

We went to church for the first time today. Garrick did great. He walked right into class with Ruby Claire and did well with the other kids (No hitting! Score!). About half way through the class they came and got me because he wanted to know where I was. I was so grateful they listened to his concern and followed through. He needs to know I will be there, he needs to know his teachers will come get me if he asks, he needs to know church is a safe place.

These were big steps for us, and often when we make big steps we have regression. Unfortunately, by the time we got home Garrick became defiant and went into a full blown inconsolable rage. He finally wore himself out enough that he fell asleep and when he awoke his crying began again. On and off again for the rest of the day his emotions swayed like a ship in a storm.

I would like to explain that this is not surprising to us. This is very normal behavior for children who have come from hard places. My son is grieving, so when he cry's and fights or melts down he is acting out from a place of deep loss and hurt.

"Behavior is a form of communication. Who we are, where we’ve been, and what we want others to know all direct our responses. While all children act out or shut down or lose tempers or cry from time to time, what each one is communicating with that behavior might be different. While all children display certain behaviors, not all children have lost their parents to death or abandonment or addiction or disease. Not all children have been uprooted from the home or country or familiar voices in the womb to live out the rest of their days in a different home and maybe a different country and with a different mother. Not all children have witnessed or experienced abuse or neglect or malnutrition. Not all kids have learned that adults aren’t always trustworthy, home isn’t always safe, and family isn’t always forever." --Shannon Dingle

Is it easy going through hard times even if you know the reasons behind it?

No, it's not. It's not easy to deeply love a person who just few weeks ago was a stranger but is now your family. There is so much to learn, so much to take in, so much to catch up to. So many expectations to let go of. So much ground to cover.

It is easy to get frustrated. It is easy to not want to comfort my son when he is throwing a fit on the floor because he doesn't want to watch the same t.v. show as his siblings or eat the food that has been made. It is easy to want to parent him just like I would my other children if they were to behave in such a way. It is easy to demand obedience.

But I can't because his frustration, need for security, and control are coming from a wound that is so deep he cannot bear it. And so it begins to overflow and burst open at the slightest hint or memory of that loss, and he has never been given the emotional tools to be able to stop it. They were stolen from him.

These times are hard. Loving people who have been hurt is hard. And showing love when you are wounded and hurting is even harder. So I have to meet him in the brokenness. And for me, that means I have to hold my son while he screams and cry's and hits. That I have to tell him he is loved and safe over and over again. That when he shouts at me to leave him alone and go away I have to tell him that Mama will never "go away". That when he needs a "time out" we have a "time-in" together.

We are making progress as Garrick had gone a few days without a meltdown. Going to church was new and exciting for him, and for my boy, new and exciting things cause anxiety and the remembrance of just how much he is not in control. So next week we will try again, and the week after, and we will try to take this new normal a step at a time. And, hopefully in six months or so we will look back on this time and say "Look what the Lord has done!"

The Harmonious Period

When you go to China to adopt, the day you get your child is called "Gotcha Day" and that day begins a 24 hour period that they call the "harmonious period". Basically, if in 24 hours you decide you no longer want your child you can give them back with no repercussions. Not a very apt name, is it?

Now you may be asking, "How can someone work so hard and do so much, go all the way to China, and not come back with that child?"

I don't know. I've read of stories though. Stories that crush your very soul and make you weep that "ugly cry" that no one wants to experience. I will not judge those families as I've never been in their place. I hope to never have to be in their place. I'm grateful I wasn't.

But I can tell you that the child you have in those first 24 hours is not your "real child". They are just as scared and anxious as the parent receiving them. And they use whatever coping mechanism that has helped them survive up until that point. Garrick was all smiles for the first 2 days we had him. Steven and I looked at each other like "is it really this easy?"

Nope.

Those first two days we were all putting on our best behavior. Garrick didn't really believe he was staying with us, which was evidenced by him gathering every item we gave him in his little backpack to take with him whenever we left the room. He skipped from place to place, he smiled for every picture, he charmed everyone in our group with his personality. But he never cried... not even when he hit his head on the hand rail in the elevator. I was astounded that he kept those tears in and shoved that much pain down. I knew it was not going to be contained for too much longer.

Then came the third day. Garrick was playing with another little boy in the hotel lobby when he fell and hit his head hard on the marble floor. I scooped him up right away while he finally let out a cry from the pain. Then he began to wail. For 20 minutes I sat on a luggage cart in the Hilton Hotel lobby letting my son scream out his pain. Not from his head but from his heart. We finally had to get on the bus and Garrick decided at that point he wanted nothing to do with me. He wanted to sit next to Steve. He sat stoically looking out the window for a few minutes and then tears just began streaming down his little cheeks. He didn't even make a sound.

That was the beginning of walls coming down. Our harmonious period as a new family was up. Honeymoon over.

From then on Garrick was outright defiant or would just ignore us completely. Which can be very difficult for parents who expect their children to obey. But who were we to him? Why should he have to listen to us anyway? They say you need to just survive in China. "Give them what they want" in China. But we couldn't with him, he was all over the place, and would have got himself and others hurt. We had to be parents. I truly believe he had never heard the word "No" before.  Now I'm glad we set those boundaries early because we have needed them at home!
 My son would bite, hit, or walk up to another child and poke them in the eye for no reason. He would have a full blown meltdown over the tiniest things and he could not calm himself. We are still battling these "orphanage behaviors" on a daily basis. Garrick tends to revert back to infant behavior when he does not get his way or if he is reprimanded for something. It will take holding, rocking, and drinking a sippy cup of milk for him to relax. This happens multiple times a day.

But today we had less meltdowns. Today we had more playing with the siblings instead of tormenting them. Today we had some bright moments. Today was a good day. Tomorrow will probably go back to being hard. But I know that things are coming together the way they need to. I see my son learning to trust me and that is a beautiful thing.

It isn't always harmonious... but who ever said it would be?

China Travel- Day 1

Our first day of Travel started out very early but we got to the airport with enough time to get breakfast before we got on the plane to Detroit. We flew Delta Airlines and it was very comfortable with lots of free amenities that made our 15 hours in the air so much more bearable. We even were able to check two bags per person for free.
When we got to Detroit we met up with another family in our group who was on the same flight as us. I was so thankful to meet them, it always feels better when you know you're not the only people doing something crazy =)

We flew over the Arctic and Russia. It was amazing looking down and seeing massive mountains covered in snow, huge frozen bodies of water, and what looked like cracks in the ice that were probably massive ravines. Uninhabitable frozen wilderness, It was a true sight to behold and not one I think I'll ever forget.

Once we landed in Beijing we handed off our bag of supplies for Show Hope to one of their reps who met us at the airport. Then we met up with our agency guide, George, who is a very amiable character, with a big smile, and often jokes about his broken English which he calls "Changlish".

George got us settled in our hotel, helped us exchange some money, and pointed us in the direction of a good noodle restaurant. Our new friends Mary and Jeff joined us for dinner and we had a great time ordering way too much food, telling stories and jokes, and just getting to know each other. It felt like we had been friends for years. I've been told the families you meet on this adventure become friends you have your whole life, I can now see how that is possible.

After dinner, we then braved the local 7-11 and got some needed essentials. I also found some KinderEggs for the kids (Gus will be overjoyed). Then we headed back to our hotel room to sleep. I passed out at 8pm our time, woke at 3:30am, and then again at 6. I was glad to get so much sleep but it still did not feel very restful. Pray for us as the time change and jet lag is really hitting us hard.

To our precious friends & family,

To our precious friends & family,

We are overjoyed at God’s grace, but we also realize this will be a season of adjustment for our family. We know that each of you reading this letter has– in some way– supported, loved and prayed for us. Many of you have expressed how excited you are to meet him. Because we know your care for Garrick and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around him to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation – emotionally, physically and spiritually. In many ways, Garrick will be like the children who entered our family through birth; we will seek to bring all of them up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord. However, there will be a few, initial differences in the way we have parented in the past. Because you will play a vital role in helping Garrick settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future, there are a few important areas in which you can help us:

• The first is to set physical boundaries. We cannot WAIT to see some of you at the airport when we arrive home!!! Keep in mind... It is imperative adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Garrick. This will (for a while) include things like holding, hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage and foster care settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and very welcomed! Garrick should know that the people with whom he interacts are our trusted family and friends. He is going to love each and every one of you! 

• Another area is redirecting Garrick’s desire to have his physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having Mommy & Daddy meet those needs. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually something that isn’t good for the child. But until he has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct him to us if you see that he is seeking out food, drink, affection, or comfort. 

• You will notice that Garrick will probably have a snack of some kind with him. It is imperative that you NEVER take food or drink from Garrick. If he is in a place where he cannot have his snack, please come get Steve or me, and we will deal with it. Children who grow up in orphanages usually have issues with food since withholding food is sometimes used as a discipline tool. Many of these children have grown up not knowing when their next meal will be given to them. Food is security and we want to make sure we are providing him with as much security as possible. 

We are confident of this: God’s design is perfect. His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby – which teaches him that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God’s very design, an emotional foundation is laid affecting their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Garrick has experienced the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of his birth country. When Garrick comes home, he will very likely be overwhelmed. Everything around him will be new and he will need to learn not just about his new environment, but also about love and family. He has not experienced God’s design for a family having lived in an orphanage & foster care setting. His world is turned upside down. He may struggle with feeling safe and secure, and he may lack the ability to trust that we will meet his needs. The good news is that we can now, as Garrick’s parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help him heal from these emotional wounds.

The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed him. As this repeats between us, he will be able to learn that Mom and Dad are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Garrick starts to establish this important bond, he will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. Garrick will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries, and close proximity to us. Although it may appear that we are spoiling him at times, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on our personal research and instruction from trusted adoption educators and mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help him heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible. He may show his grief and confusion in many ways, and we are prepared to help him through it and prove that we are a forever family. You may also notice us tighten our circle a bit, stay close to home, and we may seem a little less available socially, for a while, maybe even months. 

Please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are learning too and are grateful that you are seeking with us to help Garrick feel loved, safe, and secure. Thank you so much for your love and support through this process so far. We are so truly blessed!

We look forward to seeing all of you when we return!
Blessings,

Steven & Christa

Have Courage and Be Kind...

I loved this tag line from the live-action adaption of Cinderella. I love seeing little girls with shirts bearing the phrase. I applauded Disney for finally giving our girls more than "A dream is a wish your heart makes" or "Dreams do come true".

Often times, when I talk to Gus about having courage and being brave he will say "But, Mommy i'm sacred!" and I would say to him, "Being brave means doing something you know is right, even when you are scared". It is easy to say this to our children or to others, but not so easy when we ourselves are faced with our own scary situations.

We live in a broken world and often our dreams do not come true. The Grimm brothers got it right, not Disney. And this is a reality that we need to teach our children. So what happens when you are called to something that is hard? When the journey is filled with pain and adversity and the people that you think will be your support system are not? This is where Disney got it right: "Have Courage and Be Kind".

Many times in my own walk I do not behave with the obedience of Abraham or the devotion of Job. I behave more like the Cowardly Lion than the courageous Aslan. But that is OK.

It's OK to be scared, what matters is doing what is right. Just yesterday, my good friend Jeni reminded me of this when I told her how much anxiety and fear I have been dealing with surrounding our adoption. And her words were a balm to my soul.

"I'm sure you're scared. It's a huge deal. But you're right just to tell yourself to be brave---you can't be brave without being scared! So really it's perfect, right?... I can imagine all of the details can make you feel inadequate but I really believe that in some situations, love is all you need. This has been planned out for you to accomplish and you have Christ's light in you. He will fill in the gaps."

Isn't that the truth! It reminded me of when Moses was commanded by God to speak but due to his speech impediment he argued with God:

"Then Moses said to the LORD, "Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." The LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?…"

Moses was brave and yet he was scared. He did as God instructed and God worked in a way he did not anticipate by using his brother Aaron to be his mouth. God filled in the gaps.


God continues to fill in the gaps for our adoption. Most of the time he waits until the last minute...but isn't that the way he always does things? He called us to this and we have obeyed even with much fear, anxiety and trepidation. Even when we didn't see the way, he has met every need. And his plan is beautiful. God designed this story as a tapestry with many many threads all intertwined. We didn't have a pattern to follow or a list of instructions. We only have faith and courage in the ONE who does.

Our story is not over because really it is just beginning. I'm scared. I'm scared to fly across the ocean, to be away from my other children. I'm scared to meet my new son and watch him hurt and grieve. I'm scared that he will not like me. That sounds trite, I know... but it is a fear. There are a lot of fears and most of them are things I cannot control. So I keep reminding myself:

Be Brave, Have Courage and Be Kind. God will do the rest.

Planning to travel!

So things are heating up here! With the news of our travel dates we are in full travel mode preparation. I spent all day yesterday emailing back and forth with the travel agency to work out details for our plane tickets. We have to use an agency since Garrick does not have a US passport number yet. They are still not locked in so please pray we will get something that works well for us.

As far as money goes, we are still gathering funds. We will have to pay for all our hotels and in-country flights this week. I learned yesterday that we may not be able to use our hotel points as they have blacked out the week we are supposed to be at our Marriott hotel. This is now an extra $2000 we were not expecting to have to pay out of pocket since we planned on using all our points. So I'll be on the phone with them today trying to see if something can open up for us. It's all very stressful stuff.

God has worked everything out perfectly so far and I have to let go of my tendency to want to control every detail. It is hard for me to do this since I spend my days making plans, writing up lists and calculating outcomes. Being a nurse, I am constantly looking at the clock determining what I need to do next. I'm just hardwired that way.
The Lord continues to be gracious to me by giving me opportunities to grow =)

Please continue to pray for us that all the little details will come together accordingly. We are so excited to go get our son. This time next month we will be home with all THREE of our children!

Promise 686

We will be leaving for China in just a few short weeks; but we are still short $10,000 of travel and in country expenses. But there is good news!


Promise686 (www.promise686.org), a ministry of Perimeter Church, has graciously given us a Matching Grant of $4,000 to help bring Garrick home! If you would like to be a part of God bringing Garrick to Himself through our family, you can send your tax-deductible gift to the address below or on-line. Your donations will be matched by Promise686 on a $1-for-$1 basis up to $4000. That means we will have $8000 in total once matched! Promise686 will pay adoption expenses out of the funds received. Promise686 is a non-profit adoption and foster care ministry dedicated to expanding God’s Kingdom by helping to bring the fatherless into Christian homes. If you would like to help:

Please make checks payable to: Promise686, Inc. You may preference how the donation might be used by writing “Garrick Germany Adoption” in the memo section of your check.


(*Note: per IRS guidelines, promise686 maintains complete discretion and control over the use of all donated funds, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.)

Mail checks to:

Promise686, Inc
4729 Peachtree Industrial Blvd
Suite 100
Berkeley Lake, GA 30092

Or donate on-line through the Promise686 link: https://connect.clickandpledge.com/w/Organization/Promise686/paymentwidget/dfec0024-0606-46e8-84dd-09a4320b8664


Thank you for investing in the Kingdom through prayer and finances – it will be an investment with an eternal return! (Matt 6:20)

Please pray this entire process will glorify God and fulfill His purposes!

In Christ,

Steven, Christa, Gus and Ruby Claire

To Ransom a Child

This has been a very busy week in our adoption process. I have been emailing constantly with officers at the National Visa Center, then with our Agency, and then emailing back to the NVC. It is one big game of shuffling electronic paperwork and signatures back and forth. I'm grateful for the work these people do getting children to their new families. They are amazing.
Now we are awaiting for more papers to be dropped off and picked up. Once they are we will get an appointment made at the consulate in China and travel approval to leave. We are so close!

I've also contacted Show Hope about how we could serve their ministry during our trip. They sent me a list filled with much needed medical supplies for the care centers that they cannot afford to mail. So, we will be checking a suitcase with these items, and they are arranging for someone to meet us at the airport to get the bag. I feel like this is such a small thing to do in thanks. I feel like nothing will be enough to thank them for what they are and have given to these precious little ones.

On Wednesday I had to go to the bank and withdraw over $5500.00 to wire to Garrick's orphanage. This was the fee for my son's life. This is the one payment that made my whole body shake. This payment made the tellers in the bank cry.
I walked out of the bank feeling like a huge weight had been lifted. I just paid my son's ransom. I cannot imagine how God felt when Jesus proclaimed "It is finished" with his last breath on the cross. It is finished. It is paid. And all that is left is love.

"And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales
'Cause after the last tear falls
There is love" - Andrew Peterson

Our last official update

We received our last official update on Garrick until we go get him in November. This update included his current weight, height, shoe size, pictures and some little facts. His stats are very important as we need to pack him clothes and shoes for once we receive him. He will come to us with the clothes on his back and hopefully the few items we have sent him over the past months.

He loves all kinds of foods, especially pear juice, bananas, and yogurt.  Sounds like he will fit right in with the other little fruit monsters that live here!

We requested that he not be moved from Maria's Big House and back to the orphanage prior to us getting him. But this request was denied. Please pray for our little boy's heart. Maria's is the only safe place he has known for the past 2 years and I know he will not understand why he is leaving or why his family isn't there to get him yet. Pray for my heart because I can't prevent more hurt upon my child.

They mentioned he often looks at the pictures of "his family". I pray through that book God is preparing his heart to receive us and that he would recognize us when he meets us. I pray our attachment will be strengthened quickly and he will feel our love and affection for him. We are under no assumptions that he loves us. Just as with a newborn we will have to meet his needs consistently and show him we are trustworthy and loving over and over again. He will not be like a normal 4 year old who is able to go play or sleep with no fear. He will not be able to stay with a babysitter or a teacher as other kids do (at least until that bond is strong).  Children who come from hard places need a lot of time to learn to trust that they will not be left again. He will need time to learn what a family is and his place in it. 

There will be a lot of emotions that no child his age should have to experience. Pray that God is gracious. Pray that God will help us to be in-tuned to his needs even with a language barrier. Your prayers are so important to us and we value each one.

Look at that face!

We have another 6-8 weeks until we finally get to meet our sweet boy. We cannot wait.

Buy a shirt & help build a family

Friends,

We are selling shirts to help with our travel expenses. They are only available to order until October 10, so get your orders in! We have a goal of 50 shirts but need to sell at least 5 for them to be printed. Thank you for your help and support!




The Lord commands us to love, and we have a tremendous love for children who have little to no hope without a family. Each t-shirt sold will bring us a little closer to our adoption fundraising goal to bring our son home. Click to BUY HERE!

Garage sale!

Friends,

We should be going to get Garrick in November! How awesome is that!! Though we are grateful for the speed at which our adoption is being processed, it puts more strain on our financial resources. Pray that we finish raising the funds we need to bring Garrick home. We are somewhere around $10 or $11k short of our goal. We have applications in to several grants, but many do not
make award decisions until after we return. The remaining money is primarily for travel expenses.


We will be having another garage sale October 16th and 17th to help with our travel expenses to China. We still have lots of stuff left over from our previous sales but would love to have more! If you have any gently used items that you would be willing to donate to our sale we would greatly appreciate it! From our past sales the items that sell the best are tools, housewares, kitchen stuff, and furniture. Clothes do NOT sell so please refrain from donating those.

If you can't donate items but are willing to help in any way please let us know! We greatly need your support.

I also want to say that this has been one of the hardest things we have ever done (and it's about to get harder!). When we began this process we had no idea how it would happen. Many times we felt God opened doors and shoved us through them. But at each situation he has shown up and provided even through our fear. He truly equips those he calls!


Please continue to be in prayer for our family during this time.

The Germanys

Letter of Approval

Dear Garrick,
Today is the day. Today we found out that we have been officially accepted as your parents. Today was the day we were told that you are ours. China has spoken and we are so elated. From this day forward everything has changed. Hold tight little one because Mamma and Daddy are going to move heaven and earth to get you home to us. Every day without you is a day incomplete. You are so loved sweet boy, you have no idea.
Love,
Mommy