In the waiting

There are many things about the adoption process that is stressful but I think the waiting is the worst part.
The waiting to be matched to your future child. Why did it take a year for China to put Garrick's file together? I said to our agency last year "He is already three years old!" Now he is four and I pray that he will not turn 5 without us. God, why so long?

The waiting for paperwork to come from one place just to send it off to another, then wait for it to come back to send off again. Every day the mailbox holds joy or disappointment.

Nothing moves fast enough. In two more months we can request an update on how he is doing. TWO MONTHS. Two more months I will wait to see how they are caring for my child half way around the world.

Busy. Stay busy. Nothing assuages the sense of urgency that builds in my heart day after day.

But when all that is done, and in the quiet hours during the night, I know I am helpless. There is no office I can call, postal truck to wait for, or children to care for. I cannot handle this myself.

It is in these times that I need to remind myself of who the Lord is. His character does not change regardless of how I feel or what my circumstances may be.

Who knows the mind of our God? 

Who can bring counsel to him? 

For from him, through him and to him is everything.

HE holds my life in his hand and has chosen this exact time to allow our adoption to proceed or to stall. Too many events have taken place to confirm that. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he has planned and orchestrated this from the beginning and it will all be on HIS timing and not mine. Who am I to think my time is better?

HE holds my son who is half a world away when I cannot. He is his eternal father and loves him just as fiercely as I do. Who am I to worry?

HE is the Provider. Who am I to presume I can do it myself? Who am I to worry about money, health or time?

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

It is in these times of waiting when I know that I need him fully and completely. These are the times he is using to do a good work in me. Though the waiting is hard it will be good. Pray for us, dear friends, to fight the good fight and continue to draw near to him while we wait.